Sitting at my teller station, scrollin’ on tumblr and reddit

My head pounds from my hangover, I drank alone I must admit it

Up walks another customer, distraught as can be

“You must help my good sir, I’ve racked up all these damn fees!”

“Let me look at your history; is there anything out of place?”

“No I made all those transactions. This bank is such a disgrace.

You see I’ve been in the hospital with type 2 diabetes

And my toe fungus has developed into an entire new species.”

“I’ve never actually worked, just collect my welfare check.

With a system of free money, how could I just reject?”

“You were charged 25 bucks for each transaction in the red.”

“Momma’s gotta have her McDonald’s, and the McRib is back,” she said.

“Well what’s this payment to Rascal?” “Gonna trick out my scooter son.”

“And what about these oxygen tanks?” “Breathing solo just isn’t that fun.”

I bolt from my chair quickly, much to her surprise

“What are ya doing there son?” Asked the woman so greatly oversized

Without a word I searched high and low, but it was nowhere to be seen

In every nook and cranny I looked, Oh I better check my jeans.

I empty out my pockets but alas I have no luck

Around the corner I see a man, let me ask this schmuck

“Excuse me kind gentleman, I think you have what I need.”

“I’m sorry” he said, “Fresh out, I’m sorry to mislead.”

I run around the branch, desperate in my hunt

I couldn’t find what I needed, so I went back to that cunt

“What took you so long? I deserve so much better.”

She scolded me for a while with an ever rising temper

“I’m very sorry ma’am but please don’t act so primitive.

I searched all around, but couldn’t find a single fuck to give.”